Ripit Military - After 18 years of war, most people in the GWOT have as many energy drinks as water. We've come across many off-label drinks that provide the energy, vitality and overall vitality needed to stay awake. However, two liquid energy capsules of Total War were genuine and sold in the US. Rip is originally owned by National Beverage Corporation, the company behind LaCroix and Faygo. National Beverage Corp. contracted with the military around 2004 to supply Rip to US military installations around the world, particularly in the Middle East. Lo and behold, the king of military GWOT power was born. Then came another drink. Wild tiger. Even through the depths of Google, the Internet, and Reddit, we couldn't find the origin story. Since most of the original jars were written in Arabic, the tiger on the jar gave the appearance of an original wild tiger. Wild Tiger is also rumored to contain nicotine, but it is actually nicotinamide, a B vitamin (niacin). The most common reference to Wild Tiger is its nickname "Nectar of the Gods" which refers to the immediate effects of its "total activation".
1. "Wild Tiger is just an Iraqi Red Bull. Repit tastes good and does a good job of keeping me awake for 12 hour shifts." @a_davis93
Ripit Military
AC: "RipIt...is this really debatable? On my first deployment I didn't even think I drank a drop of water and survived with RipIts in my cargo pockets. Ha. Hit an IED once and red RipIt exploded everywhere. For a long time they cut my pants thinking I was bleeding... Nope. No bones dropped this day. Just life for our little jar ripit brothers. RIP." @combatcomedian
Haven't Seen A Rip It Since Deployment… Found Them In Threes.'
Ultimately, Rip It holds its own because of the sugar-free option, the actual flavors, and yes...it's free. Everyone appreciates the rest of the GWOT energy drink king, Rip It Energy. Army Announces History: 'Woman Ranger' Alleged Stolen Valor August 22, 2015 High Minimum Wage/Beer Conspiracy September 16, 2015
In a stunning announcement that reverses 14 years of proud tradition, the US Army is pulling the popular energy drink Rip-It from PX shelves and comfort pallets for overseas service members.
"One rip - it turned out to be 4000% of the recommended lifetime caffeine intake," explained US Army Surgeon General Cal Ripkin. "It's per serving. And since they come in little cans, everyone thinks they can drink up to thirty. A day."
He was right. A single thirty man infantry platoon has been known to go through 25 Rip-It energy drinks in a single day, especially when the mission for the day goes down and the Call of Duty server goes down again. 17 C-5 cargo planes routinely "turn and burn" from Rip-It's Connecticut warehouse to combat hotspots around the world to resupply just one brigade-sized element in Iraq. Rip-It has certainly left its mark on our war warriors.
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But rip-offs have a dark side. A small can of Rip-It should provide enough concentrated energy for a full 6-month deployment, but soldiers are knocking them down like Jaeger shots at a 21st birthday party. As it turns out, an 8-ounce serving of Rip-It increases testosterone, aggression and ESP by up to 200% in soldiers of both sexes. In fact, in both composition and effect, a can of Rip-It is similar to a hit of crystal meth. Because of this shocking revelation, the US Attorney General, the Drug Enforcement Agency, and the FDA are now forcing Rip-It cans to carry a drug warning for its active ingredient "Repitol."
"It's a dangerous drug that can incapacitate combat troops in overdose," said a sergeant with the 75th Ranger Regiment. "Troops in my own unit experimented with Repitol in a dangerous way, going so far as to hold 'case races' between platoons. I don't think I need to tell you how it ended."
But not everyone is happy about the announcement of Rip-It as a puter. "When I come home and tell people I've done seven tours of Afghanistan and four tours of Iraq, full of caffeine and hate, people think I'm kidding," explained former US Army Ranger Tom Shergood. "But if we had to go on a two-week patrol in Taliban territory and you had room in your ruck, you didn't carry spare batteries or another belt of machine gun ammunition. You have a case of Rip-Its. Always. This is important .You know that vest they have to carry a bunch of 40mm grenades? I carried a grenade launcher but all my grenade pouches contained the squad's basic load of Rip-Its.My squad leader made me a dummy card for my LBV so I didn't miss anything.
Negative reactions to the news were not limited to listed ranks. Admiral William McRaven, commander of US Special Operations Command and notorious rip-it fiend, reportedly resigned as commander of US Special Operations Command when he heard that the Pentagon would ban the flavored drink. He is now the Chairman of Rip-It Solutions International, a private military company/beverage conglomerate dedicated to securing the Third World for Rip-It and democracy.
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Perhaps surprisingly, conspiracy theorists were able to link this development to the historic graduation of two female officers from the previously all-male Ranger School:
"Do you think those two girls worked hard and persevered to graduate from Ranger School just like everyone else? Not a chance!" Pete Basile, who had three weeks of basic training as a cave scout, considered himself an expert in everything except "basically infantry," even though he had never earned a Ranger tab or served in a Ranger regiment.
Speaking to us from his trailer park in rural Wyoming, Basil explained, "When I was in the 'Gulag' at InfoWars, these women didn't do PT... they didn't sleep... all they did was smash . for a week. Of course you're about to graduate Ranger School when you get that kind of special treatment. (US Army General and former Delta Force commander) Have you seen the pictures of Scott Miller wearing that big, heavy ruck ?I'll give you a guess as to what's in it... and it rhymes with "deep shit". I bet he throws out Rip-It cans like Mardi Gras beads while he's on patrol, but I bet not a single male ranger candidate got one from old Scotty.
Plans to include Rip-Its in the new lineup of "Class VI MREs" are now pending a full investigation.
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"Hit the Woodline" is a satirical publication by Force12 Media, LLC. All articles on this website are satirical in nature and intended for entertainment purposes.
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